


'Cause Deep Down I'm Certain I Know What You'd Say

by Gigglepud



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chie is so done, Comfortably Bisexual Yosuke, Getting Together, I think there's a bit of fluff too, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slight potential Yu/OC, Yosuke is an idiot, Yu too, alternating pov, but Yosuke spoils that pretty quick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-18 06:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16112711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gigglepud/pseuds/Gigglepud
Summary: He suffers through another ten minutes, stifling a groan, before he texts Chie to call him. Thankfully, she does so almost immediately.“Hey Yosuke, what’s up?”“Dad!” Yosuke says, louder than a phone call would warrant, extorting a pause in the conversation as two heads turn as one towards him. “A problem in the store room? Awww, but I’m out with friends at the moment!”“What the hell, Yosuke?” Chie says drily, voice tinny across the phone but clearly unimpressed.“Fine, I’ll come help out immediately.” It’s not hard to fake his disappoint when he looks back at Yu, sitting with whom will probably be Yu's boyfriend the next time Yosuke sees them.*Yosuke only wants his best friend and crush to be happy. And if that means being the one to find Yu a girlfriend or boyfriend, then so be it. So what if there's an ache in his chest, well, that's just his own fault for falling too stupid and too hard, isn't it?





	1. What Best Friends Are For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shulkle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shulkle/gifts).



Yosuke is in a good mood when he arrives at school Monday morning, breaking into a grin when he spots Yu with the girls lingering in front of the gate.

“Hey guys! What’s up?” He greets, bounding up to join the circle.

The conversation stilts with Yukiko’s hands still hovering in the air mid-gesture, a blush colouring her cheeks. Yu is carefully not looking at Yosuke while Chie stares directly at him with a weird expression.

Yosuke raises his eyebrows, ready with some awkward joke to direct the conversation, when Yukiko smiles. “Oh, we were just talking about finding Yu a girlfriend.”

Yosuke’s heart sinks.

He swings an arm across Yu’s shoulder, hoping the way his mouth twists resemble something like a smirk. “So, has someone finally had their sexual awakening?”

“It’s not like that,” Yu protests. “We were only discussing possibilities!”

It’s cute, the way Yu blushes, while still staring at some point in the distance. Yosuke would gush, had the topic of conversation been about literally anything else. But they’re talking about girls, and the way Yu’s reacting only shows how much he genuinely cares about this, in order to be so embarrassed.

Something lurches in his stomach and suddenly his throat is too dry to force a laugh. He shakes his head mockingly instead, keeping stoic control of his expression.

“Well, I’m offended,” Yosuke jibes instead. “That you never considered asking me for help when I’m your best friend!” He swallows, resignation settling like a bitter taste on his tongue. “Plus, no one attracts the ladies like I do, so who better to be your wingman?”

“That makes no sense,” Yukiko protests, giggling. “Then wouldn’t you just steal away all the potential girls?”

Yosuke rubs the back of his head, laughing along. “You caught me!”

Everyone laughs, though when Yosuke glances around their circle, he finds Chie still looking at him weird. But she doesn’t say anything, and as the conversation lulls, Yukiko mentions something else, and the subject matter passes.

Yosuke ignores the knot in his stomach, and laughs a little louder, rambles a little harder, for the rest of the day.

 

Yosuke resolutely does not think about that cursed conversation, and thankfully no one brings it up again. He’d always known this would come up eventually, but he never thought it would be so soon. Sure, he has no right to stop Yu from getting a girlfriend, but that didn’t stop him from wanting that, nevertheless.

He doesn’t remember when he started developing his stupid crush on Yu, spending more and more of class time sitting next to him, staring at Yu’s studious frown as he concentrates during class. But he’s also Yu’s best friend, and that should be enough. He’s sure as hell not going to let his selfish impulses ruin any of that.

In the hopefully very distant future, when the time comes, he’s going to give a damn good best man speech, if Yu would let him. And for now, that’s also mean being the steadfast friend who helps Yu get what he wants – whether it’s the notes for Maths class or a girlfriend.

But it’s hard to stick by that, when he walks past the library, after school on an ordinary Thursday, and finds Yu standing by the shelf, flipping pages distracted as he talks to some girl. He’s gesturing animatedly, and the awe is clear in her eyes as she giggles shyly in response.

Yosuke chills. His hand lingers by the doorframe, hesitating. He’s not sure if he wants to go in to help him or to interrupt. But it turns out he has the courage for neither, and takes a few unsteady steps backwards, instead.

He jumps when he crashes into a body behind him.

“What the fuck, Chie?”

“What’re you looking at?” Chie asks, full of mock innocence.

“Nothing,” Yosuke mumbles, his gaze finds the exit at the end of the hall, and he stares longingly, knowing it’s now out of reach.

“So, you wanted to help Yu find a girlfriend?”

“He doesn’t need me to,” Yosuke says, and the words come out bitter.

Chie just shrugs, looking back towards the library. “You know, if you’re not happy about that, you could always tell him.”

“What? That he can’t date anyone without my help?”

Chie rolls her eyes, “Sure, that’s what I meant,” she says sarcastically. Then frowns, meeting Yosuke’s gaze with concern. “But, for real, though, I never knew you were the type to just let someone slip through your fingers like that.”

Yosuke can hear the unsteady thundering of his heart in his eardrums, rapid and deafening. Chie has her arms crossed across her chest, a stubborn tilt to her chin, and Yosuke knows he can’t get out of this with a laugh and a wave of his hand.

“Look,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I’m doing the exact opposite here, I’m keeping him with me. I don’t want to ruin what we have, and clearly, he’s interested in looking for someone else. He’s my best friend, and I’m not going to hold him back or make things awkward by unloading all my stupid feelings on him now.”

Chie clicks her tongue in disapproval, looking unimpressed. “You should still talk to him. I thought best friends don’t keep secrets from one another?”

“Not unless it’ll hurt them, Chie,” Yosuke insists.

Chie lets out a sound of frustration, but before she can say anything, Yu and the girl are walking out the library together. They stop when Yu spots Yosuke and Chie, the two of them still standing awkwardly by the library entrance.

Yu smiles, and it still sends a flutter of excitement through Yosuke. “Hey what are you guys up to here? Do you want to do something together?”

“No!” Yosuke retorts too quickly. “I’ve got to- go. You should spend more time with your new friend instead. Come on, Chie.”

He rushes off, tugging Chie by the arm. She starts to protest, but he blocks her out, glaring at the door they’re heading towards. Chie catches on, and she relents, sharing his tense silence until they part ways at the front of the school.

 

Yu catches up to Yosuke the next morning, when Yosuke is still trying to blink back his sleepiness from a night of restless tossing and turning.

“Are you feeling alright?” Yu asks, oblivious as ever to the rush of blood to Yosuke’s head when he grabs hold of Yosuke’s shoulders. “You look like shit today, and yesterday, you ran off so fast, I wasn’t sure…”

“No, it’s fine,” Yosuke waves him off gently, putting on his best grin. He’s been getting better at faking that these past few days. “Who’s the girl you were with? Your new girlfriend?”

An indecipherable expression crosses Yu’s face, before he frowns, eyebrows creased. “No, we’re not- I’m not- we were just bonding over a book. She’s just a friend.”

Yosuke nudges at Yu’s side, “But do you want it to be something more? She’s cute.” Perhaps Yosuke is a masochist at heart, to torment himself like this.

But Yu is shaking his head, face scrunched up in thought as he considers what to say. “To be honest, not really. I think if I had to choose, I’d rather date a guy, you know?”

“Oh.” Yosuke’s heart skips a beat. “Um.”

He does know, too well, but it’s not something he wants to talk to the object of his crush about.

Yu must see something in Yosuke’s reaction, when he frowns, “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, no, no, not at all!” Yosuke says with a laugh. “Uh, right, well, let’s find you a boyfriend, then! Do you prefer younger or older guys? Our age? How about I introduce you to some friends of mine – nothing committal, but, let you get to know them, how about that?”

Yosuke wonders what his face must look like, if his eyes are wide with panic and his cheeks as red as the heat he feels. He barely registers the excuse he makes, before running off. He stops as soon as he rounds the corner, taking quick rapid breaths, more from the wild panic he feels than the exercise.

It was one thing, to long for an impossible dream. It’s undoubtedly going to hurt more when every time he looks at Yu’s future boyfriend, all he’s going to think, is that it could have been him. That Yu could have chosen him, yet, didn’t.

 

Yosuke doesn’t know how he manages to survive the rest of the school day. Yu suddenly feels too close, and Yosuke’s seat and desk to rigid and small, trapping him in uncomfortable proximity.

It’s easier, during breaks, when the whole group is together to distract him. Chie seems to finally take pity on him, and will cover for him when he stares wistfully at Yu for too long and stutters. But it doesn’t stop her glares of disapproval that makes him want to duck his head like a scolded child.

By the end of the day, he’s collected enough of himself to put his fragile heart away and get his shit together. He decides there’s nothing better than immersing himself into something to forget about his troubles, and what better than a project for his best friend?

So, he’s got a game plan, when he shrewdly manoeuvres Yu away from their usual group into the hallway.

“So here’s the deal,” Yosuke says lightly. “I’ve got a few guys I think would be into you, so we’ll walk up to them, and I’ll introduce you, and If you think you might be interested in something more, I’ll invite him to hang out with us for the afternoon – how’s that?”

Yu looks hesitant, shifts his grip on his bag with pale tight knuckles. As his best friend, it’s Yosuke’s duty to alleviate his worries, so before Yu can voice his concerns, Yosuke is shaking a finger at him.

“It’s not a date or anything, alright?” He reassures. “It’ll just be the three of us, getting to know one another better. Chill and casual, how about that?”

“Okay,” Yu says. “So, it’ll just be like making friends?”

“Yeah, exactly!” Yosuke drags Yu down the hall, then pauses, turning to him. “I guess we also need to work out a signal system, for me to invite the guy you like to hang out.”

He looks around in thought, then takes the opportunity to slide his gaze up and down Yosuke, lingering on Yu’s unbuttoned collar – a reliable net to catch a lump in Yosuke’s throat – then to his hands. “Um. Why don’t you, uh, tug my shirt or something? Subtly, at the back, when you like the guy.”

“Okay,” Yu nods.

Yosuke starts leading Yu down the hall again, taking a shaky breath. He’s not sure if he wants this to spectacularly fail or succeed.

The first guy they _coincidentally run into_ is a placid third year Yosuke had met in the first month of his transfer. The guy is shy for the duration of the conversation, and as soon as the conversation lulls, after five minutes, Yosuke makes up some excuse and drags Yu away.

Yu follows amenably, and Yosuke tries not to feel relieved.

“Alright, someone else then? Come on,” Yosuke grabs Yu by the arm, not dwelling on the thought that once Yu gets a boyfriend, he might not get to touch as much, anymore. “Should we try someone more open, this time?”

A range of expressions flash across Yu’s face, and he opens his mouth to say something, before shutting it again. There’s another pause, edging on towards uncomfortable, before he nods. His smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes as he says, “Sure.”

They walk across the school in a not-quite-comfortable, yet not-quite-uncomfortable silence. Yosuke stares intently at the patterns of the floorboards, his brain dry of conversation. He wants this to work out for Yu, he really does. Yu deserves someone who can make him happy.

But just trying to picture that makes his chest clench tight, his heart screaming as the space closes in.

They meet another few guys, all of whom were fine guys in Yosuke’s memory, but the moment Yu starts smiling at them, suddenly he cannot list a single thing he likes about them. Their eyes are insincere, he doesn’t like the sound of their voice, their sense of humour sucks, the list of negatives go on.

Yu doesn’t look like he’s interested in any of them, though, which makes Yosuke’s really happy for a moment, delighted that he can prolong the inevitable. That is, until he remembers that Yu _wants_ this, wants to find a guy, which means he’ll have to do this again, and his face falls just imagining stepping all over his heart all over again.

He looks up to find Yu staring back at him, deep in thought. “What?”

There’s a moment when something sets in Yu’s eyes, a flame relit with determination. “Nothing,” he says, “So who’s next?”

This time, Yosuke introduces Yu to a guy from the basketball team. Ryota is outgoing, energetic and charismatic, eager to entertain as soon as he’s introduced. Yosuke feels the tug to his shirt almost immediately after the basic introductions.

His heart skips a beat, but he’s not surprised, Ryota could win over anyone he wanted. Still, his brain unravels a little and he loses his train of thought, his sentence drifting off to nonsense.

And Ryota only laughs and picks up the thread of conversation seamlessly. Yu is probably completely enamoured, damn him, and all Yosuke can do is plaster on an inferior smile and say to Ryota, “So what are you doing next? Why not come with us to Junes, my treat!”

 

It’s torment, through and through, to sit across the table from Yu and Ryota and feel so completely left out. The slightly awkward conversation between Yu and Ryota was like a lapping wave in the beach, small at first, but crashing with increasing intensity as they find more and more topics in common.

Yosuke expected to need help bridging the conversation, but instead, he’s the one lost, buried by all the random names like Daisuke and Kou, whom he only vaguely knows to be students at his school.

He suffers through another ten minutes, stifling a groan, before he texts Chie to call him. Thankfully, she does so almost immediately.

“Hey Yosuke, what’s up?”

“Dad!” Yosuke says louder than a phone call would warrant, extorting a pause in the conversation as two heads turn as one towards him. “Hi! What are you calling for?”

“What the hell, Yosuke?” Chie says drily, voice tinny across the phone but clearly unimpressed.

“A problem in the store room? Awww, but I’m out with friends at the moment!”

Chie doesn’t respond, but Yosuke can practically hear the roll of her eyes from the silence.

“Fine, I’ll come help out immediately.” It’s not hard to fake his disappoint when he looks back at Yu, sitting with someone who is probably going to be Yu's boyfriend the next time Yosuke sees them.

Lowering the phone, he smiles apologetically, “Sorry, gotta dash. You two keep hanging out, I’ll make it up to you guys next time!”

Yu, of course, starts getting up with an offer to help, but Yosuke pushes him back down to his seat then dashes inside Junes. He waits until he’s made it into the staff room before he loses his composure, ignoring the startled stares of his nosy coworkers.

He collapses onto a chair, rubbing a hand across his face. He thought he could handle it, anything for the one you love as long as they’re happy, right? But seeing Yu chatting so happily with the guy is already too much, he doesn’t want to imagine what it’d be like when they’re actually dating.

 

He fucks it all up on Sunday. He didn’t mean to, but he’s on the way to Chie’s place for a casual dinner and gossip session, when he runs into Ryota. Ryota is dressed way too nicely for a casual outing, so Yosuke can’t help but torment himself by asking what he’s up to.

Ryota ducks his head, but his wide grin and reddening blush is obvious. “Actually, I’m going to dinner with Yu.”

It’s panic, rising up like a flood to suffocate his heart, and something overcomes Yosuke when he grabs Ryota by the shoulders. Yosuke stares him in the eye and says with all the authority he can muster, “You can’t.”

He doesn’t know if it’s desperation or hostility that he’s trying to convey from their eye contact, but it clearly works when Ryota backs away, arms held up in a surrender position. “Bro, what are you talking about?”

“Text him, tell him you’re cancelling.” Yosuke says, but his voice feels very far away, as if he’s watching himself from afar.

“I can’t – Yu is waiting for me.”

“No, no, no, I don’t think you and Yu would work out, so why don’t I save you the trouble,” Yosuke grips Ryota’s wrist, tugging him in the opposite direction. “Come with me, instead, I’ll show you how to actually have a good time.”

Ryota lets out a voice of dissatisfaction but lets himself be dragged off after a few more poor attempts at protesting. In Yosuke’s defence, he’d like to think if Ryota had truly been interested in Yu, surely he wouldn’t have been coerced away so easily. But it doesn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in his stomach as he cancels his meeting with Chie, directing Ryota to the market district and buying him dinner, instead.

With a full dinner and a week of high stress, Yosuke feels lightheaded when the two of them walk back out into the street. They spend the rest of the night lingering, flirting around with others in the street – Ryota with the guys, and Yosuke a mix of both.

He stops worrying about everything and just focuses on making more people laugh than Ryota, and it brings a smile back onto his own face. Still, they don’t stay out too late, and Yosuke parts way with Ryota sooner than later, in a slightly good mood.

It quickly all dissipates when he runs into Yu on the way home, walking alone out of a restaurant. Yosuke stills, all the lightness dissipating at once as he comes back to the ground.

Yu doesn’t look visibly upset, but Yosuke knows him well enough to realise he’s affected. Yosuke’s voice wavers when he walks up to Yu with an uncertain, “Hi, what’s up?”

He doesn’t need to ask, he knows already. But it still doesn’t prepare him for the way his heart shatters as Yu smiles sadly, “Got stood up.”

“Have you been here, waiting the whole time?”

“No, I- I knew he wasn’t coming, he had messaged me, at least. But I figured I might as well eat, since I’m already here.”

Yosuke stares, speechless. The wave of shame and guilt hits him all once, tilting the world onto a diagonal axis, making his head dizzy.

Yu smiles, his expression comforting as he pats Yosuke’s arm. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m fine. Dinner tasted great, at least.”

And this is so wrong. Why is _Yu_ the one comforting _him_ when he’s the one who upset Yu in the first place? But Yosuke can’t offer his best friend anything; he doesn’t currently know how.  

“I’m so sorry,” he says under his breath, instead, and turns away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

 

When the next day arrives, Yosuke is unsettled and sleep deprived. He couldn’t sleep a wink the whole night, unable to get Yu’s dejected expression out of his mind. He needs to come clean, apologise, get Yu and Ryota back together, and probably plan an over-the-top amazing one month anniversary present for the two of them when the time comes.

Provided Yu forgives him, that is.

But it’s Ryota who finds him first, at the shoe lockers, clapping Yosuke on the back in greeting.

Yosuke swallows the lump in his throat. “Hey, Ryota, about yesterday with Yu-“

“Don’t worry about it, man, we’re cool,” Ryota waves a hand impatiently.

“I impulsively interrupted your date with Yu, that’s not okay!” Yosuke protests, “Let me make it up to you, I’ll set you up with Yu properly this time, I promise I won’t do anything stupid again.”

Ryota raises an eyebrow, “Dude, why would you? Yesterday was great! We should do that more often, pick up all the cute guys on the streets! Don’t worry about Yu, I’m not interested anymore. Maybe you’re right, he’s not a good fit for me.”

Yosuke freezes, eyes widening. “Dude, no, Yu’s a great guy. Give him a shot.”

Ryota shrugs, “That’s not what you said last night, and now I guess I’m just not feeling it anymore. Sorry dude.”

Yosuke looks away, resisting the urge to bang his head on the locker. He needs to fix this, but he doesn’t know how if Ryota isn’t on board.

At the absence of a reply, Ryota takes this as an appropriate end to the conversation, and with a squeeze of the shoulder, he walks away. “See you man, hit me up next time you want to go party.”

Yosuke only grunts in response, mind whirring in panic, too distracted to form any words. Buried deep in his thoughts, he doesn’t really register the awkward, “Oh, hi there,” Ryota gives from across the room, so Yosuke is completely unprepared for when he’s composed himself and finally looks up.

It’s Yu, staring with wide eyes in confusion and hurt, flanked by Yukiko and Chie at his sides. Yukiko doesn’t seem to know what’s going on, though she’s caught onto the heavy mood in the room, while Chie glares with a mixture of anger and disbelief.

But Yosuke doesn’t pay them anymore attention when Yu is right there, just a step away from him, yet the distance between them has never been more stretched. All thanks to Yosuke.

“It-it’s not what you think!” Yosuke squeaks, and boy, does that not sound like a line.

Yu purses his lips, “What is it am I thinking? Please tell me, because I’m not sure I know, myself,” Yu says in a clipped tone. “Every possible meaning sounds ridiculous to me, because I can’t understand how you could do anything like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Yosuke croaks out, head hung low.

“You’ve said that before,” Yu says, and it’s half accusation, half dawning realisation. “But what are you even sorry for?”

“I stole your date last night,” Yosuke says in a hoarse whisper. “I’m the reason he didn’t show up – because I told him not to.”

When Yu doesn’t immediately reply, Yosuke sneaks a glance up at him. Yu’s expression is closed off, though the hurt is clear in his wary eyes.

“Why?” Yu’s response doesn’t sound angry at all, just small, timid, uncertain.

Yosuke feels sick.

He opens his mouth, but some things have just been kept a secret for too long, and what comes out isn’t the truth at all. “I don’t know! I ran into Ryota and, it was just an impulse, you know? He was dressed up so nicely, and I had nothing better to do, so I figured, just, maybe I wanted to have an impromptu fun night with him?” The words are tumbling out of his mouth without a filter, barely coherent, “It was just sort of like a joke, you know? Nothing serious?”

Yu has just discovered his full assholery potential and it will be a miracle for Yu to forgive him as it is. There’s no point bearing his heart completely open, when he knows what the answer would be. And it turns out, even after everything, he’s still not ready for the inevitable rejection he’s going to get from Yu.

So Yosuke just runs a hand through his hair, laughs shakily, and tries to convey what he can’t say with his eyes. “I’m really sorry, Yu, I don’t know what came over me. I’ll try to make it up to you, please? Set up another date with Ryota, or someone else if you’d rather! It’ll be way better than whatever Ryota had originally planned!”

Yu shakes his head and, to Yosuke’s horror and heartbreak, takes a step back from him. Yosuke barely supresses a shudder.

“Thanks for the offer,” Yu says coolly, voice eerily even. “but I’m not sure I can’t accept help from someone who considers playing around my love life and feelings ‘sort of like a joke’.” Yosuke flinches, even as Yu continues, “I think,” Yu holds his gaze meaningfully. “I need some time alone.”

Yu turns and walks out, and Yosuke can only stare after him, heart shattering.

He doesn’t register the words Chie and Yukiko berate at him, leaning against his shoe locker and sinks to the floor. No matter how hard he pulls at his hair, the pain in his scalp barely measures up to the black hole in his chest, swallowing all sensation but the heavy thuds of wants and needs and _I fucked up_ s.

 

Yu isn’t in class for the rest of the day and Yosuke can’t find him anywhere after school, short of trying to visit his house. He runs around the whole of the town and gets no response when he tries texting and calling. When he tries asking Chie and Yukiko, they gives scathing glares and mention nothing more than that it’s none of his business.

At least Yu will have the two of them in support, Yosuke thinks, and tries to keep the bitterness out of his thoughts. Of course, he can’t do any comforting this time, not when he’s the one who caused everything in the first place.

The next day, Yu comes to class in the last minute. All of Yosuke’s attempts at apologies gets ignored, as Yu stares resolutely at the front of the classroom. The minute class is over, Yu disappears, along with Chie and Yukiko, and Yosuke is left to sulk on his own until the next class, where it’s just a rinse and repeat.

Yu is never around long enough for Yosuke to get a word in edgewise. There’s never that opportunity, so Yosuke’s left only with his last resort.

It’s Nanako who answers the door at the Dojima residence, a smile lighting up at the sight of the familiar face. “Oh, hello Yosuke!”

“Hello, Nanako-chan,” Yosuke smiles, the young girl’s cheer apparently contagious. “Is Yu in?”

Nanako shakes her head, “He hasn’t been back after school ended.” With a small giggle, she adds, “I thought he would be with you; usually you’re always together!”

The words twist at Yosuke’s insides. He tries a smile, but from the way Nanako’s expression turns to alarm, he’s probably failed that pretty badly.

“Do you want to wait inside?” Nanako opens the door wider to let him in.

“No, it’s okay,” Yosuke says quickly, not wanting to imagine Yu’s expression if he found Yosuke imposing on Nanako when he’s unwelcome. “I’ll just wait outside.”

Yosuke goes back out to lean against the outer wall, next to the mailbox instead. He whips his head around every time he senses movement, but none of the passers-by are Yu.

Hours past, and Yosuke tries not to get impatient, but then the street lights flicker on with a burst of static. This was a last-ditch attempt to apologise, but Yu clearly doesn’t want to even see him. Yosuke sighs, he’s not stupid, he can take a hint.

The last thing he should do now, is to annoy Yu anymore by pestering him when he’s clearly unwanted. He pulls the collar of his jacket higher up his neck, tucks his hands into his pockets and drags his feet back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here on [tumblr](http://gigglepud.tumblr.com)!  
> Happy Birthday, Shulkle! Here's some dumb boys being dumb for you <3  
> Jubilee says I should save the next chapter for your birthday next year, I think that sounds like a great idea ;)


	2. What Boyfriends Are For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At some point, Yu had stopped being surprised when he finds Yukiko at the front of the school, smiling a tight apologetic smile as she waves a dejected boy away, whilst Chie glares fiercely behind her.
> 
> Yu would feel sorry for all those boys – after all, he knows too well what it feels like to have a crush – but you would think they’d know Yukiko’s not interested, by now. 
> 
> That’s how the conversation about relationships and young love begins. Then Yosuke arrives and it all goes to shit. 
> 
> *  
> Yu's POV, and what happens after.

At some point, Yu had stopped being surprised when he finds Yukiko at the front of the school, smiling a tight apologetic smile as she waves a dejected boy away, whilst Chie glares fiercely behind her.

Yu would feel sorry for all those boys – after all, he knows too well what it feels like to have a crush – but you would think they’d know Yukiko’s not interested, by now. Except it’s almost like a weekly Monday morning ritual for someone to confess to Yukiko.

He joins them just as Yukiko stares blankly at the envelop in her hand, a bright heart-shaped sticker plastered on the front. He grins at her helpless expression as she considers what to do with it.

“Just throw it out,” Chie says. “You keep one, and everyone else will be throwing letters your way.”

That’s how the conversation about relationships and young love begins.

“It’s not that I have anything against relationships, but I’m just too busy with helping out at the inn to really consider anything serious, you know?”

Chie, in her turn, shrugs. “Just sounds like too much drama and trouble to me.”

And yet it still doesn’t stop her from turning her gaze on Yu, a mischievous grin growing on her face. “But you! You’re a city boy, you’re used to drama and trouble, aren’t you? Why don’t you get a date?”

Yukiko claps her hands in excitement, “Oh yes! You’d make a great boyfriend; don’t you want a girlfriend?”

Yu hesitates to answer, mostly because it feels all so complicated, even if it shouldn’t be. On the one hand, he’s terrified of what admitting having a crush on his best friend would change, but on the other hand, he’s not sure he can keep a handle on the way his heart would soar whenever Yosuke so much as touches him.

So, the answer is “no”, or at least, would have been no, if the subject of all his complications hadn’t bounded right up towards them, and well, suddenly he’s tongue is clumsily stuck to the back of his throat.

“Hey guys! What’s up?”

Yu looks away, trying to keep the thundering of his heart to the down low. He hopes no one else can hear how loud it is, as Yukiko catches Yosuke up on the conversation. In the end, it’s Yosuke’s excitement that draws Yu’s gaze back to him, as Yosuke swings an arm around his shoulders and grins.

Yu’s heart breaks a little at Yosuke’s eagerness to find Yu someone else.

 

Yu had thought nothing of the conversation, considering he genuinely hasn’t been looking for a relationship. Unless it was with Yosuke, but it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Yosuke has never looked at him and seen anything more than a friend. Especially if the matchmaking had anything to say about it.

Yu’s not sure what he’s done to deserve this, but it’s hard to voice is objections when there’s that vicious glint in Yosuke’s eyes.

The boys Yosuke introduces him to are nice, but they’re not _Yosuke_ , which means, they’re not nice enough, or their jokes aren’t as funny, or simply not as interesting. He’ll grin and bear it, but after a round of unsuccessful hallway conversations, he’s relieved it seems as if Yosuke’s running out of recommendations.

And he’d be all for going home and forgetting about this embarrassing situation, but Yosuke looks so disappointed, it makes Yu uncomfortable to think he could be the reason for that. Yu sighs, reluctant, but he’s going to learn to get over his crush on Yosuke anyway, so it may as well be through meeting someone else.

So, he tugs on Yosuke’s shirt for the next guy.

And the thing is, Ryota is genuinely a really cool guy. Great looks, funny, generous, and in Yu hadn’t only got eyes for Yosuke, he might actually have gotten interested. Still, a he figures a date can’t hurt; he can try for real to move forward. And it’ll make Yosuke happy, at least, which is worth everything. 

So, he tries not to be disappointed when Ryota cancels last minute, and he just feels like a fool.

 

The next morning, Yu sees Yosuke before Yosuke sees him, when he and the girls are lounging at one end of the hallway. Yosuke looks distracted, almost upset, and though Yu goes immediately towards his friend, Ryota – of all people – beats him to it.

A stupid hopeful part of him wondered if Yosuke had called Ryota over, to demand some explanation on Yu’s behalf. But Yosuke doesn’t even notice Ryota’s arrive until Ryota is tapping on his back. It’s unlikely, but then, so are the words that come out of Ryota’s mouth.

He stiffens and it’s only thanks to Chie gripping his wrist that he manages to stay grounded and pay attention to their conversation at all. It takes a while to wrap his head around their conversation, and even then, it feels like he’s drowning.

Yosuke shouldn’t be capable of being so cruel as to purposely ruin his date, would he? In the first place, isn’t he the one who’s most invested in everything?

But Yosuke isn’t denying it, head bent low, apologetic, defeatist.

“Why?” Yu chokes out, because Yosuke may not be aware of it, but he’s had Yu’s heart in the palm of his hand since months ago. Except now, it’s just confused broken pieces that can’t be put together again.

Yosuke say a bunch of things in response, but all that Yu can pay attention to is the repeating _“It was just sort of like a joke”_ , “ _Nothing serious_ ”, like a mantra in Yu’s mind. It’s the cruellest rejection of his feelings that he could have ever imagined, and everything feels so heavy all at once.

He doesn’t even know how to react to everything, so he leaves. He ditches school because he doesn’t think he’d survive sitting next to Yosuke for the whole day.

 

Chie and Yukiko are understanding when he returns to school, especially after they get the full details of his horrible non-date from him. They’re steadfast by his side, eager to help him keep his distance from Yosuke. It means Yu becomes very acquainted with the school roof, where he’s found a nice notch to sit and stare down at the school yard.

“Are you just going to go home, after school?” Yukiko asks suddenly, during lunch.

Yu shrugs, “I guess so. I don’t want to be out and about right now.”

There’s something about the way Chie and Yukiko trade conspiratory glances that makes Yu want to back away a step.

“Well, if you’re ever looking for a distraction,” Yukiko grins, “Would you like to come help out at the inn? We’ll keep you too busy to think about anything else!”

Yu smiles, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling that something’s missing.

It’s not that he’s particularly angry at Yosuke anymore, as much as he just doesn’t want to think about him. Whenever Yosuke approaches him, Yu’s stomach drops. He’s sure Yosuke has his best intentions in mind when he apologises, but he’s sure it’ll be an indirect confirmation, one way or another, that Yosuke does not have any feelings for him at all.

So really, he’s just trying to prolong the inevitable.

Still, helping Yukiko at the inn does make the afternoon go faster, and he almost forgets about his fight with Yosuke.

And if sometimes, he catches Chie staring at him, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed, well, he just smiles sadly at her and continues whatever task at hand. He’s not ready to have that conversation with her, yet.  

It’s late, when he finally returns home. Nanako perks up, looking away from the television; Dojima nowhere to be seen, probably working late again.

“Hey, did you see Yosuke? He was waiting for you all day.”

Yu tries not to look excited as he asks, “Really? Is he here?”

“He was waiting outside; did you not see him when you came in?” Nanako tilts her head.

Yu has to resist immediately turning towards the door. “No,” he says shortly.

“Oh,” Nanako looks as disappointed as Yu feels. “Maybe you just missed him, perhaps you could go check outside to make sure?”

And Yu does, but only because Nanako-chan asked. He’s only doing it for her.

But it doesn’t matter, because Yosuke isn’t there, anyway.

 

Yu hadn’t thought it possible, but somehow, the week gets even worse after that. Yosuke stops trying to talk to Yu in class, and outside of the awkward incoherent dance around each other when their teacher forces group discussions, they don’t interact at all.

It takes a while longer for Yu to realise Yosuke is, in turn, avoiding him. But when he lingers behind the classroom before he heads to the roof, or when he decides to take the long way to class and wander a bit, Yosuke is never around.

Still, Yu tries not to look at the gift horse in the mouth. This is what he wanted, wasn’t it? He still spends most of his time on the roof, with Chie and Yukiko. He doesn’t tell the others about the nature of their fight, so the first years take turns and swap around between spending time with Yosuke and Yu.

They’re careful not to breach the topic; it’s a quick lesson they learn when Yu visibly flinches any time Yosuke is brought up.

The heat of his anger fades completely within days, replaced by a gaping Yosuke-shaped hole. There’s an ingrained reflex to turn to the space beside him, at all times of the day, whether to whisper an inside joke or just to have that steady presence next to him.

It should infuriate him more, that even now, he’s still missing Yosuke.

But it only saddens him, the sting in his heart serving as an urgent reminder that he should be grateful for this opportunity to put distance between the two of them, so he can get over his friend. But can it really be working, when the ache in his heart never fades, and the rest of the week whiles away, slow and dull.

 

Yu forgets his textbook on Friday. He doesn’t realise until he’s already seated in his desk, rifling through his bag with increasing panic.

When the chair beside him drags out with an obnoxious creak, Yu’s gotten used to ignoring it. But the loud bang of a book dropped onto his desk draws his gaze upwards, first onto the textbook for the class, then towards Yosuke.

Yu doesn’t know how to decipher Yosuke’s raised brows and frown, uncertainty leaking at the edges of his false nonchalance.

“T-thanks,” Yu says, more as a question than a statement. He reaches out, flipping through the familiar doodled pages of Yosuke’s textbook, “What about you?”

Yosuke shrugs, “Don’t need it. Don’t usually pay attention in class, anyways.”

Which was true, until this week, when Yosuke’s eyes had been glued to the front since he’d no longer talked to Yu. All their teachers’ confusion would have been funny, in any other circumstance.

“We can share,” Yu says, then regrets it immediately. But this is the first real interaction they’ve had since their fight, and Yu doesn’t have the self-control to keep away anymore.

Yosuke turns back to Yu, eyes narrowed with suspicion. Yu feels like he’s under inspection from his long look, but when Yosuke’s expression smooths over, he’s also nodding. “Thanks,” he mumbles.

Yu pushes the textbook closer to the edge of the desk, where they would both be able to see, but only if Yosuke leans closer to him. The body heat from the sudden contact feels overwhelming, even though they’re not even touching, and Yu wonders if he’s blushing and that’s why everything feels so hot.

They fall back into an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the class, Yu’s mind freezing whenever they inadvertently touch. Every now and then, he sneaks glances up at Yosuke, staring at his profile, deep in thought. Yu thinks Yosuke does the same, from the movement in his peripheral, but he’s not above imagining that to sate his wants.

As soon as the teacher lets them go, the book is all but snatched from his hands. Yu looks up in time to see Yosuke disappear behind the door and tries not to let his disappointment show on his face.

 

Yu settles into his usual spot on the roof for lunch, overlooking the school yard. Yukiko is alone when she pushes open the door to the roof, smoothing her skirt before sitting down beside him.

“Chie to me to go ahead when I was waiting for her back in the classroom,” Yukiko supplies to Yu’s unspoken question.

Yu nods mutely. Chie isn’t obligated to be there, but it’s the second time today there’s a break in the new routine they’d established this week, and it feels like an unsettling premonition of something worse to come.

“Are you ever going to forgive him?”

Yu startles. Yukiko’s voice is quiet, but it leaves Yu’s heart thundering.

“I saw you two sharing a textbook earlier, so I just assumed, you know, that maybe you’re finally going to make up?” Yukiko explains quickly, eyes widening when Yu takes too long to respond.

Yu looks down at his hands, “He’s the one not talking to me right now, actually. I have no idea what he wants.”

“What about you?” Yukiko frowns. “What do you want?”

_Him_ , is what Yu doesn’t say. After another long pause, he sighs. “I don’t know. I want these two weeks to have never happened.”

“He probably feels the same way, maybe you should talk to him.”

Yu should, he might even want to, but he knows he won’t. He can’t, not without embarrassing himself and probably making it all worse, because he doesn’t think he could go back to acting normal even if he wanted to.

He’d trusted Yosuke, and it’d _hurt._ He can’t continue to follow Yosuke’s whim of finding a boyfriend or not going on dates as Yosuke feels like; can’t pretend that he doesn’t already have someone he’s interested in even if they’re unobtainable and standing right next to him.

He’s saved from replying when the door to the roof opens again, as Naoto and Kanji join the group. They’re loud, excited for the weekend, and Yu’s laughter is almost real when the first years joke around and add cheer to the group.

Before the end of the lunch, Yu’s spares a passing glance down the yard. His heart lurches when he sees Yosuke and Chie come into view then walk off. From the roof, it’s not even clear it’s definitely them – and even if it is, they’re not doing anything wrong. But it leaves his throat dry and his head throbbing.

 

Yosuke corners Yu at the end of the school day, coming up in front of him just as he leaves the classroom. Yu instinctively takes a step back, only to back into the wall.

Yosuke stares, studying Yu intently at way closer proximity than they’ve been all week. Yu’s heart races, certain his cheeks are reddening under Yosuke’s gaze.

“Chie says that I’ve been hurting you by staying away,” Yosuke says in a pinched expression, “And that’s not fair, because I’ve been trying, okay?”

Yu’s first response is an indignant huff, put on defensive for an attack coming out of nowhere.

But Yosuke deflates as quickly as he heats up, shoulders drooping as he goes back to his repeating mumbles of “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Yu fights the instinct to put his hand on Yosuke’s shoulder, not until he understands what Yosuke wants from him, at least.

“Didn’t mean to what?” He demands instead.

Yosuke looks up with wide eyes, looking almost fearful for a moment. “So many things, Yu, you have to believe me! I didn’t mean to hurt you! And I didn’t want to ruin your date – well, I mean, I guess I did, but it wasn’t for fun, you know? I thought I could bear it, watching you get together with someone else, but it turns out, I couldn’t. So I ended up hurting you instead and I’m so sorry.”

Yu wants to sigh and push away, but Yosuke’s words volley at him like a physical force. They’ve been here before, and Yosuke is still doing that rambling thing that tells Yu nothing. Yosuke must be thinking the same thing, because he cuts off, and the conflict is obvious on his face when he runs a hand through his hair.

He seems to be trying to say something through his desperate unsteady eyes, but nope, if Yosuke doesn’t spell it out, Yu really isn’t getting it.

“The truth is,” Yosuke says finally, with a shaky breath. “I really like you, Yu, as more than a friend. And maybe I didn’t mean for that to happen either, but I can’t help what I feel and I’m not sorry for that. So now you know, and you can decide if there’s anything left between us to salvage, or if you even want to.”

Yosuke had raised his voice in his outburst, oblivious to everything else except the two of them. Finishing his spiel, he seems to finally register the other students staring at them. Turning beet red, he ducks his head and storms away, all before Yu has registered Yosuke’s words at all.

It feels like the room chills by a few degrees when Yosuke leaves. Yosuke’s absence hits him like a punch to the stomach, leaving him out of breath. How much further must Yosuke screw with his emotions so irresponsibly?

Yu runs after Yosuke as soon as he remembers how to, but it’s too late. Yosuke’s left the building and his stupidly bright hair is nowhere to be found when he scans the crowd.

Yu wants to scream and tear his hair out at Yosuke’s stupid disappearing acts. He also wants to punch him. Or kiss him. Probably both.

Yu runs all over town, looking for all of Yosuke’s usual hangouts. But no one at Junes nor the shopping district has seen him.

It’s infuriating and completely unfair, that in the end, it’s Yu that’s the one who’s sweating his back off trying to find Yosuke, when Yosuke caused all this mess in the first place.

In the end, it’s Chie who comes to the rescue with a short text: _He’s here at my house._

She doesn’t say anymore, but there’s no need to tell who she’s talking about. He’d question why he’s with her, but again, she’s not obligated to stick with Yu, and from her impatient scowl when she opens the door, Yu figures she’s not impressed with Yosuke’s most recent behaviours either.

“He wasn’t supposed to run off, you know,” Chie grumbles as she shows Yu in. “The idiot just doesn’t know how to make things easy for others.”

Yu nods, but any reply escapes his mind when he steps in front of the couch. Yosuke is a wreck, curled in fetal position, hugging a pillow as he sulks at the backrest. At some point, Chie steps away, quietly closing the door behind her as she vacates the apartment.

“I’m angry at you, you know,” Yu says into the silence. Yosuke barely reacts to Yu except for a twitch of his shoulder. “For everything you did last weekend, and maybe this week, too. And that’s something we’re going to need to talk about later. But I’m mostly angry because you just dumped all of that on me back at school, and had the nerve to just _leave_? That’s possibly the worst thing you’ve done to me yet.”

Yosuke curls tighter into a ball on the couch, saying nothing. Yu takes a deep breath, not knowing the right way to approach this, but also reassured he can’t fuck it up worse than Yosuke anymore. “But I’m glad you told me that, even if you were too stupid to do it earlier. For the record, I like you too.”

Yosuke shoots up into a sitting position, staring wide eyed with trepidation. Yu continues, before Yosuke can interrupt and derail the conversation again.

“I’ve liked for a while now, so you can imagine my heartbreak when you started looking for dates for me. I went along with it because you were so eager, and it seemed to me like I needed to get over you. But it turns out you’re the one who couldn’t stand to see me with someone else, aren’t you?”

“This isn’t your idea of a payback, is it?” Yosuke whispers hoarsely, as if to speak any louder would shatter this reality.

Yu frowns, “I would never. I know how painful that would feel.”

Yosuke flinches, and Yu can’t help but feel he deserves that a little. But Yosuke looking so pained isn’t doing so well on Yu’s own mood either. He sits down on the couch beside Yosuke, not completely at the other end but not close enough to touch either.

Well, someone has to be the mature one here. “So remember how you ruined my date last weekend? You owe it to me to get an even better date, right?”

Yosuke looks confused and upset all at once. “Do you want me to find you another guy, then?”

Yu flops his head onto his hand. “No, no more of that. I don’t want to meet anyone. I already found someone, didn’t I?” He waits until understanding dawns on Yosuke’s face, and resists the urge to grin back at Yosuke’s widening smile.

“Do you forgive me, then? For everything that’s happened?” Yosuke’s recovered some of his cheer now, and it has a bigger effect than Yu would expect in soothing his own emotions. He’d missed Yosuke’s smile.

Yu pretends to ponder, before shaking his head, though he lets Yosuke see the smile growing on his face. “You put both us through hell for two weeks, I don’t think I can let you off this easily. But I can let you try, and a date sounds like a good start.”

“You got it!” Yosuke says, and when he reaches out and pulls Yu towards him, Yu sinks into the hug. For the first time in what feels like forever, everything feels alright again.

 

It’s not easy, getting back to the comfort levels they were at before. But it’s fine, they’re not looking to return to their past relationship dynamic anyway. They’ll grow, together, no matter what.

And someday, probably sometime very soon, Yu will let Yosuke know he’d already forgiven him long ago. But for now, he grins and lets Yosuke pander him. And this is well worth the trade for the date he’d missed last time, because it’s Yosuke sitting across him and that itself wins by miles.

It’s literally the perfect date of his dreams.

Well, almost. It would be if not for the large group of people occupying the tables right behind them, not even bothering to be subtle as they all hover, peaking over their menus to the two of them.

Yu sighs internally, grateful and exasperated all at once with his friends. But they’re the ones unnecessarily stuck in the middle of their fallout and had to endure it for a week, so he figures he’s got no right to complain. He doesn’t really want to be chewed out by Chie for their idiocy again.

So, he’ll make it interesting for them – though actually, it’s really more for himself – and leans in. Yosuke’s eyes widen only a little before he gets the message, closing the distance between their lips.

Their friends, and everything else, are quickly forgotten, as the world disappears around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading!  
> This is my first Persona 4 fanfic, though hopefully not last, so I'm still trying to get the hang of the characters' voices. I hope it came out alright, though, and if you liked it, kudos would be appreciated! :) 
> 
> I'm here on [tumblr](http://gigglepud.tumblr.com)!


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